And the Angel of the Lord appeared in a dream and said unto me, "Lay off the eggnog and fudge, fat ass." And I was sore afraid. "WTH, Angel of the Lord," I said. "Don't you have more important news to proclaim this time of year?" Then I realized it was Jillian Michaels' voice I'd heard; someone left "The Biggest Loser" on the bedroom TV overnight. Wow, maybe I'm a little closer to the holiday abyss than I thought.