Out of five-blade razors this morning, had to use a four-blader. Feeling like Dan Haggerty right now. #firstworldproblem

To paraphrase General Patton, don't suffer for your art. Make the other poor bastards suffer for your art.

Lincoln is getting a fourth Walmart, smaller than the others but with the latest cutting-edge Walmartian technology straight outta Benton -- hoverscooters, carts with built-in oxygen tanks, combination beer/baby supply express shop, robo-greeters and a quickie salon that does only mullets and rat tails.

This is the time of year when anyone with friends or loved ones who are teachers wants to slap that smug, giddy look right off their faces. I say that, of course, with the utmost respect and admiration for all they do for our kids. Still, smack!

Eugene Polley, inventor of the remote control, dead at 96. Apparently he was missing a day or two, and then his body was found between a coupla sofa cushions.

Uh-oh, look out. Zuckerberg, in a snit over Facebook's IPO woes, is plotting some really diabolical shit for the Timeline as revenge on all of us.

Man, these new appetite suppressants I'm taking really work wonders -- two chimichangas the middle of every afternoon.