Oh, the Places You'd Better Not Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
All agree you're a whiz,
though the longer you campaign,
the less obvious it is.

You're on your own and you know what to do.
And YOU'RE the guy who'll decide where to go.
Unless the Navy in your course has a voice,
in which case you'll find you have limited choice.
Though no matter where Uncle Sam sends you hither and yon,
he said nothing about landing your plane at Hainan.

You'll look up and down streets, look 'em over with care.
About some you should say, "I don't choose to go there."
Like K Street, or Florida, or, seriously, a Dakota?
You'll avoid them all, if sense you have one iota.

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
Some may come back to haunt you
in a PAC ad or tweet.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

But why would you do that?
Leave Nebraska behind?
Turn your back on apple pie and mommy?
Are you some kinda Commie?

Sure, Washington's tempting to a man on the make.
For sure, lots of federal teat to be sucked.
But don't stay too long, nearly a decade's too much,
or one day, verily, you're f***ed.

We're glad you returned
after your grand jaunt,
though frankly, some of us wonder,
what the hell -- Fremont?

On the other hand, Florida?
Maybe that's not so wrong.
Unless a PAC's about to spring a pic
of you on South Beach in camo thong.

Then you longed for South Dakota
to the Black Hills you wanted to flock.
Well, for that sin, you SOB,
bow down before Chimney Rock.

So ...
Be your name Sasse or Osborn
or Mordecai Ali Van Rosencrans,
It's hard to believe, some of us ask,
Jesus, is it too late to keep Johanns?