My favorite Chinese place already has a sign: "U.S. $$ no good here." To cover my tab, they frog-marched me to a backroom and made me write 2,000 fortunes under the glare of a guy in military garb who made us call him General Tso. The first 100 were pretty good, but they degenerated into series of "that's what she said" and "your mom" jokes and, finally, way more f-bombs than a fortune probably should have. But I discovered, and snuck into a fortune, the ancient secret of what the "goo" in moo goo gai pan is. Eew.