Once more, into the GOP breach

Once again, watching the debates so you don't have to. Here's a roundup of my tweets from last night's gathering.

-- You know the rule, all: If you're gonna watch the GOP debate tonight, wait until at least 30 minutes after you eat.

-- Cain's enjoying his usual pre-debate meal: 4 large meat-lovers pizzas, and Newt his, the blood and entrails from 4 live human babies.

-- Bachmann aides fitting her with a shock collar right now -- the minute she starts talking about Gardisil, 250 volts to her neck.

-- Mitt's throwing a tantrum backstage & refusing to go on stage -- his staffer bought the wrong brand of teeth whitening strips.

-- DEA agents outside Gary Johnson's dressing room -- funny smoke & sitar music wafting from within, Ho-Ho wrappers covering hallway

-- Crowd LOVES Paul's health-care plan -- a human equivalent of an elephant graveyard. You aged and sick, you'll know when it's time.

-- Santorum can’t get a break. Chunk of that NASA satellite came thru roof, squashed him flat. Nothing left but a puddle of froth.

-- Mitt's at distinct disadvantage in race. He's typical pol who doesn’t believe half what he sez, amid crazies who are dead serious.

-- Gary Johnson giggles every time someone says “social security.” Just blew Dorito crumbs all over his mic. Oh, Christ, he’s baked!

-- Screw it. Let's dispense with answering questions, and just have candidates hold up word clouds.

-- No, no, no, a thousand times no. I will NOT read Romney's or Perry's books. I prefer nonfiction.

-- Bachmann: Put moat on Mex border filled with sharks & pitbulls, plus dome over entire U.S., tinted so no one will know we're home

-- BTW, why would a man go by the name Mitt? Cuz his real first name is Willard. Yep, Willard Mitt Romney. WTF? Why not go by Will?

-- Perry just personally executed a Texas death row inmate on stage. Gassed, shot AND electrocuted him. Well played, governor!

-- Lots of complaints about Obama "apologizing for America." Perry promises an international "kiss our red, white & blue ass" tour.

-- Perry just stepped over to Bachmann & stuck syringe in her ass. “Heh, I just gave you gay.” Marcus now on stage praying over her.

-- Isn’t it time to dismiss Newt with some lovely parting gifts? Keep Cain, tho. At least he’s funny, sometimes even intentionally.

-- A lotta big, empty bldgs in D.C. if one of these elected. EPA, Labor, Education all outta business. Be some great condo space, tho.

-- For those keeping score, GOP debate crowds so far have cheered for executions & letting sick people die and tonight booed a gay soldier.

-- Fox bills it as most interactive debate ever. I'll say. Audience now lining up to mud-wrestle candidates. Newt's already stripped down

-- Did Perry really just suggest having Newt & Cain mate? I'm tempted to work a Santorum reference in there, but I'm better than that.