Dads, if you get one of those universal remote controls for Father’s Day, don’t get too excited. They control only the home theater equipment. Point it at the fridge all you want, it’s not going to produce a beer in your hand. Point it at the lawn, it’s not gonna mow itself. Point it at the kids, they’re not gonna shut up. There’s nothing "universal" about it at all; they really should rename the damn thing.