Grandma got pepper-sprayed at Walmart

To the tune, kinda, of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," of course:

Grandma got pepper-sprayed at Walmart
scrumming for an X-Box 360
She was out to buy lil' Johnny's love,
by putting it under the Christmas tree

She was slowed by all that tryptophan
and we begged her not to go,
or at least to take her pistol,
but she flipped us off and told us, "Blow!"

A blue vest found her in the aisle
where she'd been foully attacked,
tears streaming from her eyes,
turkey and some peas that up she'd hacked

Still, we're all so proud of Grandma,
she's recovering quite well
You bet she got that X-Box,
stomped another shopper all to hell

Well, Grandma's learned her lesson
about shopping at Walmart
When she goes to post-Christmas sales
damn right she'll have her Glock there in the cart

Santa Claus and Jesus Christ,
we're certainly fans of your works,
But we're lucky you're both so forgiving
for we sure can be a bunch of bleeping jerks