In one for the medical journals, doctors reveal that Cheney ordered them to remove one lung, his spleen, appendix and tonsils and install four backup hearts in those spots. Reportedly, there's even a fifth in an undisclosed location in his body (rumor has it, they took out several feet of intestine to make room; you folks at home, make up your own joke). Now, they'll be able to open Cheney back up and just move around the tubing in the unlikely event he develops a bleeding heart. (Ba-da-bomp.)