This country teeters at the abyss, cataclysmic failure looming. Yet the leaders charged with heading off disaster, doom, yea, verily, apocalypse itself, are mired in partisan bickering, media showboating and general asshattery. It is time for all Americans, whatever their color, creed, religion, sexual preferences, or toilet-paper dispenser beliefs to rise up as one and cry out: Get this frickin' NFL deal done!