Nov. 24, 2010

FROM: TSA HQ
TO: TSA staff

Pursuant to multiple passenger complaints: When screening a passenger, any employee who uses a variation of the joke "is that a (blank) in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me" will be reassigned as a searchee for testing our new screening techiniques. These techniques, to be unveiled Christmas week, are still classified, but we can report they're code-named Elbow Deep.