Good luck to parents of young children who are sitting their children down today to try to explain how someone who never appeared on a reality show or slugged a paparazzo, got arrested for domestic abuse, shilled for a fad diet or a faintly disreputable financial scheme, spent multiple sessions at a celebrity drug-abuse treatment center, hit a baseball, caught a football, or made a basket, got busted for taking performance-enhancing drugs, appeared in a viral video or wrote a tell-all biography that threw friends and family under the bus could possibly be a hero.