From Tea Partiers -- a real brew-haha

"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up." -- Hunter S. Thompson

• Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell dabbled in witchcraft, said she wouldn’t have lied to the Nazis to spare Anne Frank and proudly proclaims she is master of her domain.
• Nevada Senate hopeful Sharron Angle floated the possibility of armed overthrow of the government and, as a state legislator, opposed fluoridation of the water in her home county.
• New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino admitted forwarding racist and sexually explicit e-mails, threatened to “take out” a reporter and described the new federal health-reform law as potentially more deadly than the 9/11 attacks.
• Ohio House candidate Richard Iott once posed for a picture dressed in a Nazi uniform.
• Florida congressional candidate Allen West, who, as an army officer, admitted assault and other wrongdoing in his questioning of an Iraqi prisoner, has called on supporters to "grab their muskets" and "fix your bayonets."

And then there are Rand Paul in Kentucky, Joe Kelly in Alaska, and so on.

Clearly, we’re being had. No way are these real politicians, or real campaigns. Rather, they are participants in an elaborately and brilliantly staged piece of avant-garde performance art. Or street theater, if you prefer. Like Karen Finley covering herself in chocolate, or the World Famous Bushman (look him up on Wikipedia. Best. Act. Ever.)

Perhaps Andy Kaufman and Hunter S. Thompson are actually still alive somewhere and cooked this up together; it does have a KaufmanThompsonesque feel to it. Or Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are behind it; Lord knows, they certainly have profited from it.

Most likely, though, this is just a setup to a new reality show, to be aired right before Election Day. Too bad the title "Idiocracy" already is taken. Maybe, inspired by the aforementioned Thompson, they'll call it "Fear & Loathing on the Campaign Trail, 2010." Or just "America's Nuttiest Candidates." To be hosted by Bob Dole, Bill Clinton and Kim Kardashian (hands to yourself, Mr. President).

This scheme began two years ago, when John McCain -- yes, he was in on it -- selected as his running mate a fictional character known as Sarah Palin.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

The show will climax, appropriately, on Halloween night -- 36 hours before Election Day -- with a big, "Glee"-like production number featuring all the "candidates" dancing and singing songs comprising some of their craziest campaign lines. Christine O'Donnell will headline the big finish; I don't want to spoil the surprise, but rumor has it a satanic altar will be involved. (However, contrary to other reports, she still will be queen of the castle; censors insisted on that.)

So we've been punk'd, as the kids say. Well played, ladies and gentleman. Bravo. And to think some of us feared these people actually could end up running the country. Ha, ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Um, ha?