Suh gets two-game suspension from NFL. Also, 80 hours of community service, to be served as Walmart store security during the holidays. That should break his spirit.

Just about done with front yard Christmas display but for the last, critical item that will pull it all together. Is it really possible no one makes a 12-foot-tall inflatable Rudolph with Baby Jesus astride it? I'm even willing, reluctantly, to settle for one that doesn't have matching red noses.

Sometimes I can't help but feel sad that Molly Ivins and Hunter Thompson aren't still around anymore to write about all this.

Never mind the VP slot. I can’t seriously consider voting for Newt Gingrich until he announces who his first lady is going to be.

Well, crap. I thought it was CYBORG Monday. I feel pretty stupid being the only person who brought his robot to work today.

Theological considerations aside, I like the changes in the Catholic Mass because they force me to pay more attention to what had become rote, even though, in places, they offend my editor’s preference for the simple over the unnecessarily complicated. But for now at least I actually have to read along to make sure I don’t screw up and get an elbow in the ribs from my wife or teenage daughter, or a glare from the altar. And there’s nothing wrong with paying closer attention to Mass, I reckon. In fact, it might be a good idea to mix things up every few months or so just to keep us Catholics on task. For example, instead of “amen,” require a “huzzah” or a “damn straight, Father” every now and then.

Just in time for Cyber Monday, Apple has a new pepper spray app, so you can get a little taste of real shopping by delivering a virtual burning blast of Christmas greeting to any online shopper in the world. If you see this emoticon in your e-mail -- (>.<) -- you just got pepper-sprayed. (Emoticon courtesy of an Andy Borowitz-sponsored contest, BTW.)