So, if a mime falls out of a tree in the forest, does he make a sound? How about if he's pushed?

Finally, an office retreat to match these stressful times: First, ice-forming exercises. Then tear down what little trust is left in the team; yes, it involves falling backward, but I can't say more or it'll ruin the surprise. Two hours of sitting in a circle -- no sharing; just glowering at each other. Then we ritualistically stone the two most annoying colleagues. Please don't forget to fill out an evaluation.

For a middle-aged man, a busy, large shopping mall on a weekend afternoon tends to bring to the surface an unfortunate misanthropism that he normally keeps buried deeply. Indeed, it's pretty much ground zero for annoying, inexplicable human behavior and aggravating sensory overload of all kinds. Not to mention, he feels like he has the only normal hair and clothes in the whole damn building.

I figured out that through a college acquaintance who's now an actor I'm within 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. In fact, it takes just 4 degrees, which, I suppose, means all of you are within 6 degrees, as are your friends and family. Share that tidbit next time conversation lags at a party, at least until this acquaintance -- did I say acquaintance? I meant best friend -- issues a statement denying he knows me.

I need to get to church for my Lenten Confession. Per usual, I first will try the vague approach: “Bless me, Father, for mistakes were made. Let us not point fingers of blame but rather look to the future.” Just in case the priest doesn’t bite on that – and I reckon he won’t – I am prepared to share a fairly extensive PowerPoint presentation.

One of the many challenges of growing older is that one's Bullshit Detector becomes ever more acute with age, but one's Bullshit Swallower becomes ever more sluggish and, ultimately, virtually nonfunctional. I presume there comes a moment when the effectiveness of those two tools passes each other going in opposite directions. Man, that can NOT be good.

Never mind the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing. Often, the right hand doesn't even know what all of its own digits are up to.