I'm thinking of starting a one-man marketing firm, thought I'd kick it off with a few health PSAs. Warning: These are kinda edgy, but my firm believes it's time to move beyond soft and comforting to more combative approach. Like: “Alzheimer's? Fuggedaboutit.” Or: "Only assholes get rectal cancer." And, finally: “Fkcu dyslexia.” I have one on Tourette's, too, but I'm gonna need to see some upfront money before I offer up that gem.

I suppose it's asking too much to hope to never hear from or about Casey Anthony again, isn't it? Yeah, I thought so.

Cripes, how humiliating. Not even a week in the Big 10, and the Huskers already are in violation of NCAA rules. And for what? Providing athletes too many textbooks! Textbooks?! Unless they're using them for some weird conditioning exercise, like banging each other upside the head with 'em, what the hell are athletes doing with textbooks? I guess that N on the helmet doesn't stand for "knowledge," after all. It stands for "nerds."

And somewhere Johnnie Cochran is saying, “if you can’t pin it on this cracker fool, you must blame it on the backyard pool.”

So, maybe a dingo ate her baby.

It's not really that surprising, is it? I mean this WAS a jury of a dull-witted, skanky loser's peers, after all.

Damn. I just had a disconcerting thought: What if I'm the brains of this outfit? All these years, I've assumed I was the looks. This might explain a lot.